A Mysterious Package is Delivered from Dr. Wondertainment.
When we chose to name our company, “Ghost Productions,” back in 1994 it was because we made 3D medical animation from nothing but our imaginations and a lot of computer data. We knew that the future was making something from nothing and the name had a lot of resonance with that concept. What we didn’t know is that our name would also inspire the imagination of our fans to send us some very interesting anomalous, and mysterious artifacts from a more ethereal existence. Of all the interesting oddies that have arrived on our doorstep, none have quite matched this SCP boardgame from Dr. Wondertainment.
Each year, over 150 billion packages are shipped all over the world. Even though most of these packages safely arrive to their destinations, it is inevitable that a few boxes will get lost from time to time. To much the dismay of countless hooligans who sent their hard earned cash to mail order companies promising to send them hovercrafts, pet monkeys, gatling guns and nuclear submarines.This is the story of one such hooligan who, back in 1984, away for something that never arrived… Till now…
My friend recently received a call from his mother telling him that a package addressed to him had been delivered to his childhood home. This is an address he’d not used since he moved out of his parent’s home in the late 90s. Interested to learn what was sent and who sent it, he stopped by and picked up the box later that day.
The unassuming cardboard box was shipped directly from a post office located on the island of Bermuda and stated postage was guaranteed by the postmaster general of the Perot Post Office. With overwhelming curiosity, my friend sliced the packing tape hold the box together and found an envelope that was simply marked addressed to his name.
The letter contained a personal note from the Perot Postmaster General that explained that a crate was recently discovered during a renovation of their postoffice. According to her letter, a tropical storm had caused extensive damage to the post office where his parcel was awaiting custom’s inspection. She explained that this all took place back in the 80s and his shipment was only discovered when the floorboards of the postoffice were removed revealing a crate addressed to my friend.
It was then that my friend got his first view of the crate mentioned in the letter and that’s when he decided to call me to help record this mysterious package and the first time its been opened in since it was originally sealed and sent on its perilous journey.
Now this isn’t my first rodeo with mysterious boxes with creepy contents. When the company you work for is called, “Ghost Productions,” people seem to think that means we interest in or something to do with the occult. As a devout agnostic with a very limited imagination when it comes to the woo-woo spiritualism, I’m the last person you want to talk to if you believe in magic. That said, rarely does a month go by where we don’t receive a phone call asking us to help document or evict ghosts from someone’s haunted abode. When not explaining to callers that we aren’t Ghostbusters, mostly because there’s no such thing as ghosts, we’re finding strange packages mailed to us or even left on our doorstep. We’ve received everything from Ouija boards, necronomicons, hippy-crystals, and trinkets that can only be described as some kind of gaudy Wiccan fashion accessory.
The Crate
The wooden crate is stamped with a logo brand that reads, “Wondertainment,” and a tagline that reads, “Fantastical Toys & Treasures.”
Affixed to the shipping label is a return address with a similar logo that appears on the crate, though it should be noted that it reads, “Dr. Wondertainment,” and includes a drawing of a top hat. Though much of the address is unreadable due to water damage, the bottom line of the address states that it was shipped from Tonga.
The back of the box shows signs of water damage.
After removing 4 rusty nails keeping the lid tightly closed, the lid opened easily and is supported by 2 metal hinges.
Inside, there are more signs of water damage.
Centered in the crate is circular diorama of a submarine with words that read, “Adventures of the Deep with Scuba Steve.”
The Letter
An envelope with significant water stains feels stiff and scratchy. Enclosed is a heavily stained typewritten letter dated September 9th, 1984.
“Dear Mr. [REDACTED]
In Ref: ITEM# SCP111:DRAGONSNAILS
It is with sincerest apologies that I must inform you that due to unforeseen customs issues regarding the shipment of transgenic organisms. we are unable fulfill your order at this time or for the foreseeable future.. Though we are very proud of these little creatures that are as friendly as they are colorful, we respectfully honor the laws of your country as well as the international moratorium on. genetically modified pets. Until further notice we are forced to cease sales of our GloFish™, DragonSnails™, MicroPigs™, GlassAnts™, and AtomicBunny™ products lines.
Please find enclosed a full refund equivalency for your order based on the currency exchange rate at the time we received your order. Please accept our apologies as well as a complimentary copy of our newest board game that we hope will provide years and years and years of WONDERFUL ENTERTAINMENT for you and your entire family.
With Sincere Wonder,
Dr. Wondertainment
“Wondertainment Inc. 111 Wondertainment way, Wondertinmentville, wondertainmentland 10101
A dark plastic bag inside the envelope contains a label that appears to read, “Reserve Bank of Tonga,” and a currency exchange for U.S. dollars to Tonga dollars. Inside the bag are a handful of highly tarnished coins.
A clear plastic bag contains a magazine ad for Sea Monkeys and on the reverse side is a mail-order ad for DragonSnails and a form filled out with my friend’s name and address of the house where he grew up.
The game board is securely held in place by four metal posts that must be either aluminum or stainless steel as they show no sign of rust or tarnish. Brown flakes present in the crate initially thought to be mold appear more like burnt paper or pipe tobacco. Once we removed the board game from the crate, carvings on the inside of the crate become apparent.
“Sometimes you’ll wake up, and you’ll feel sad
You’ll look outside, and the weather is bad
You’ll comb your hair, you’ll brush your teeth
You’ll smell the air and you’ll stress-eat a feast
You’ll slip on your shirt, and your shoes, and your bags
You’ll go through the door, and you sigh, and you sag
You’ll keep your head down and the world will look dark
But you might bump your head and look up with a start!
“There’s a doctor,” you’ll say, “dressed in colors so bright!
And he’s standing so tall, and so strong in his might!”
But he’s soft and he’s kind and he’ll take you by hand,
And he will whisk you away to a much better land
Filled with coasters and fire and glamor and rides
Filled with ice cream and cookies and hot dogs and pies!
And you’ll see great performers that climb onto stages
Halls filled with gadgets, great masters and pages
You’ll be pulled right out of your usual laze
You’ll shudder and twitch and you’ll stand, so amazed
“How did I never know of this,” you’ll ponder
“This world so filled with amazement and Wonder?”
The doctor leans down, wraps their arm around
When they open their mouth out comes Wondrous sound
“It’s nowhere new, silly, it is where you are!
You needed a break from the glum and sub-par
In the back of your room, in the back of your head
In the pages of fantasy books that you read
The world is so cluttered with sadness and waste
And it grinds ‘til your brain is a soft mushy paste
So when you need it happy, to get your hands clapping
When you need some presents in neon pink wrapping
You just close your eyes, you think of balloons
You think of big bubbly and kind squishy goons
When your world is down and you’re needing escape,
Know in your head is a Wonderful place“
The weight of the game is rather substantial likely due to the fact that is constructed of wood, metal, and glass-like resin that may be acrylic or hardened polyurethane. Rounded pockets are carved into the top numbered from 0 to 25. On the bottom of the game is written a promotional flavor text that describes the plot of the board game. A photo of this will also be included on the blog. Only after completing this video and reviewing the high resolution photos did we notice that some of the letters on were colored differently from the others. There are black letters, grey letters, and purple letters. We’ll look into what these may spell out in future episode when we begin researching this game and its origins.
The game, or game box, to be exact contains a top and a bottom segment that are held together by 2 red colored hardwood latches with intricately carved seahorses. The metal submarine has many dents and scratches and shows some signs of rust on its fins. There are many imperfections and inconstancies that can be seen in the wood giving it a very hand-made feel. The acrylic lettering, on the other hand, is highly detailed and that makes this object even more of an enigma. Detail like this requires molds and vacuum forms and that type of manufacturing process is usually only present in factory mass produced products.
Two walnut keys keep the seahorse latches securely locked in place. The Eye of Providence symbol is carved into one of the keys, and the Eye of Horus is carved into the other. Inspection of the back of the seahorse latches reveals some very interesting carvings. The seahorse held in place by the Eye of Horus key contains a hieroglyph, and on the other is written the word “Beware,” followed by, “SCP-1048.” Things just got creepy!
Though it would appear as though the top and the bottom should separate once the latches have been removed, there is something else locking them together. As it turns out the lid is magnetically attached to the bottom requiring a twist to unlock. On the back of the lid is written a message from Dr. Wondertainment thanking players and inviting them to try other Wondertainment products.
The game documentation is printed on cloth and feels and looks like an antique treasure map. One side of the documentation provides instruction on how to play the game and the other side describes various artifacts that players may discover in the game. One artifact that caught my interest is the lost captain’s log of the of the Mary Celeste, the ghost ship that was found crew-less, sailing in the middle of the ocean in pristine condition with all of its cargo completely untouched.
A series of special artifacts are carved into wooden tiles that feel like giant scrabble tiles. A solid, anodized magnetic pearl is used to track air supply in the game by moving it around the top of the game board. 2 six sided dice and 1 eight sided die a stored inside of the Auto-suss 2 dive computer beautifully carved out of walnut hardwood. In the lid of the dice case is an Octopus protecting the anodized pearl that remains securely attached using several rare earth magnets embedded in the wood. Players pawns are represented by highly detailed ceramic retro diving helmets. 8 different base colors allow the game to be played by up to 8 players.
93 stamped stainless steel scoring tokens explain the heavy weight of the game. The tokens feel substantial and are quite striking to look at. The one thing I’m constantly realizing as I unpack this game is that they don’t make games like this anymore. Metal, wood, acrylic, and ceramic. They simply look and feel so much better than plastic and cardboard.
This concludes the initial investigation of this mysterious package. I would like to make a second movie where I research the origins of this game and the company responsible for making it. I look forward to hearing from you. What are your thoughts on this? Does anyone else own this game or any other products made by Wondertainment? Let me know and hit the like button and subscribe to get the next episode.
A Mysterious Package is Delivered from Dr. Wondertainment.